After your letter, you wonder if you are actually in the wrong.
Your voice was the one pointing out the double standard he’s using regarding looking/being looked at.
Listen to this smart, sound voice. Your voice is the one that told you as a rule of a thumb, write this letter, the one that is saying to you, This ain’t a OK way to treat someone. Loads of information can be found online. Dark red flags from his voice, and the way you have internalized what he has said to you and how he had been treating you, since your boyfriend is exhibiting some AJOR redish flags. It belongs to him, not to you. Of course, I seek for you to honestly evaluate your relationship and consider the odds that your boyfriend will improve his behavior, with that in mind.
In my point of view, with that said, this relationship must only be continued if he can demonstrate to you that he actually was not toxic and controlling.
That means no more reading your messages.
No more forbidding you from speaking to your guyfriends. Eventually, it’s the ways people end up staying in abusive relationships, by telling themselves that the person is really good underneath it all, that if they are patient and kind enough the person will stop being awful.i think you’re doing best in order to shut this voice out and forgive his controlling actions because of love. Nonetheless, another thing entirely to let them be toxic in your direction without attempts on their end to change, It’s one of the issues to think that a person is good deep down. OK. Then, it is not planning to do you, or him, any favors after all. Within that promise is also an agreement to do right by each other and respect ourselves.
Promising to stay with someone doesn’t mean you have to stay with them if they treat you badly.
We tend to think of promise rings primarily as an agreement to be loyal to our partners.
Your boyfriend stopped doing that the moment he started reading your messages. You say you have promise rings and that this means you can’t ‘breakup’. A well-known fact that is. You also say that your being together sexually means you can’t end things. Of course having great sexual chemistry with someone ain’t an indicator that they are an ideal partner for you overall.a couple of us albeit very few marry the first person we sleep with, a few of us marry the sixtieth. He’s certain that any guy I talk to is flirting with me. He knows I will never cheat on him. Plenty of information can be found easily by going online. Hereafter he asked me to not message guys I met on Omegle, a chat site, and recently it got to the point that I told my guy friend from school whom I’d been messaging but never see personally that I couldn’t text him any more.
Guys and girls can be just friends, can’t they, he has repeated something I have told him before about me not being able to tell if guys are flirting.
He’d look up my messages, should caustically remark on a phrase my guy friend had said that maybe he viewed as overstepping his bounds, and a fight should ensue.
It started when he helped me get over my ex, and he provided the push I needed to cease contact with his sorry @ $. NOT me, though I view it as such and don’t know what I can do to loads of his rather personal relationship problems, including fetishes, and I was giving him advice, as a friend, though a lot of these things I didn’t feel comfortable divulging in my boyfriend. I actually can’t have friends who are guys, the way we see it, he has no friends who are girls. There’s also another light red flag.
Your boyfriend is demonstrating a few of the redish flags I already mentioned.
Whenever choosing instead to use it as a tool for dredging up fights and making you feel bad, s also the unwillingness to let the topic come to a resolution.
Trying to control your behavior, the mixed signals, and the placing the blame on you for his emotions. Redish flagness aside, it’s not a great idea for couples to reduce their social lives down to only each other. Here’s why I always advocate having a social life separate from your partner. Basically, I’d say if one partner begins to develop a life outside the relationship, the other may feel abandoned or angry. It means you are less gonna try new things, or form strong, nonromantic ties that make life more interesting. It can also be very doing best in order to be the main person taking care of someone in the midst of a cr. Having a limited social circle also limits your support system in times of need, and makes you less going to talk to others who can it’s no good, and define how to only be in relationships that are healthy for you. And after all followed it to the letter, he will find something else you were doing that was attracting unwanted attention. He is intending to continue to use that tactic and use it on more facts of your life, Therefore in case he learns that badgering you and making you feel bad eventually results in you doing what he wants. Then again, the fact that you can’t win these arguments with him is evidence of that. You should take this seriously. Loads of us know that there is nothing you can do to prove to him that these ideas are false. Or that he deserves control over you, as long as mostly there’s something going on in his head that has him convinced that he is intending to lose you. Notice that after that, he’d need you to stop doing that. Therefore, the other reason that this repeated pressure to do what he wants is a light red flag is that so it is a behavior type that can escalate. Notice, only to discover that they have flaws, limitations, or needs not about us, it can make us resentful and frustrated in their direction, when we set someone up as our everything.
, conversely, that you’d better be able to fulfill all of his needs.
It means that he thinks it’s a good idea to be able to get everything you need from him.
In this case, where your boyfriend is deliberately telling you that you can’t see/contact your friends, and beyond doubt is discouraging you from having an outside life, it’s not a decent sign. It’s setting you up for some nasty stuff down the line, that may sound romantic now. Besides. Those mixed signals where he says you can wear whatever you like and after all gets pissed at you for it. Therefore it’s all on you to try and puzzle out if he actually means what he says.
She doesn’t tell you how to dress, does she?
Then he makes sure, through his pouting and telling you that you look slutty, that you know he’s unhappy with your choice.
He still wants that control over you. He knows that a boyfriend shouldn’t force his girlfriend to dress a certain way. That nobody can call him out and say, he says that you can wear whatever you seek for, Hey, stop telling her what to do, he gives himself an out. He’s making you responsible for the emotions and behaviors of people you don’t even know, not only is he making you responsible for his emotions. Look, that’s not logical and it’s certainly not fair. The uncertain part is that you are with a controlling partner who is starting their control in amongst the most common ways controlling or abusive partners do, by doing best in order to control how a partner dresses.
The poser here ain’t how you are dressing.
The biggest reason, though, that I recommend a reevaluation is that his behavior is making you unhappy.
It’s making you feel as though you have to compromise the person you are to keep him from punching people. Consequently, he puts you down. For example, you already know that what you look for to do is okay, and your boyfriend’s words and actions sound like they’re undermining your confidence in yourself. He puts you in a position where you feel like you have to constantly justify yourself. Go back and count what amount times you insist in your question that what you’re doing was not bad. For instance, And so it’s not meant to and can’t substitute for advice or care provided by a ‘in person’ medical professional.
It’s a well-known fact that the information contained herein ain’t meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. What’s happening there’s that your desires and feelings are seen as less important than his. Another question isSo the question is this. Those compromises? That’s not love, it’s subservience. That’s not compromise, that’s control. They take the feelings of both partners into the matter. Same with makeup. Hhe says I don’t understand why I look slutty.
Actually the second big dark red flag?
The one where he gets to look at girls as long as he’s a guy and can’t nobody can be that perfect partner. Down that road lies stress and the feeling that it’s an unrealistic expectation to have for you, and an unfair one to boot. Furthermore, the fact that your boyfriend seems to think that it is reality indicates to me that he has very different expectations for your behavior versus his in this relationship. Know that it’s not sound, It’s not clear to me whether this double standard is coming from him alone. Ain’t okay.
They’ve come to the conclusion that the way to do so it’s to exert more control over your lives. Then again, this is the reason why I pointed Sparknolee to your question, and why I am constructing these hypotheticals for you to examine. Sparknolee and I’ll say it again to you. It is it won’t end with any one problem you comply with. People who are controlling don’t tend to relinquish that control as time goes on. They broaden it, They tighten it.
So, that’s an outcome that exists, because if you do what your boyfriend wants in regards to your friends and you stay with him for life.
The fact that he’s doing that says a lot more about him than it does about you.
Strip it of its context, though, and slutty becomes only a word. Your boyfriend is using it as an insult, as a means of making you feel bad about yourself. Just think for a moment. Because slutty is a trait assigned to women who do not meet societal expectations of behavior, he needs a word to describe choices of yours that he doesn’t like and, he chooses to use it.
Ending this relationship isn’t an option, before you say it. We have promise rings, have consummated love for one another and I should do anything for him. What happens when you have a job with male coworkers? Needless to say, what happens when you meet other guys in your school, or online, who seem cool and who you enjoy spending time with? Therefore, you mention you don’t mind losing your social life as you never had one to begin with. We will assume he continues in his present jealous habits. Basically, I seek for you to imagine something for me, since you are planning on a future with this guy. What happens when you find interests and hobbies that involve mix gender groups? Being that all of those things are preparing to happen. Now let me tell you something. Whenever growling at any guy who gets within five you feet, is he intending to accompany you everywhere. People can be great in ain’t a special shield that means nothing they do to you is ever harmful. I am sure that, like Sparknolee’s boyfriend, he is in many ways thoughtful/kind/sexy/all of the aforementioned. They do not try to wear you down with brooding or browbeat you into submission. And therefore the final dark red flag here’s the fact that he refuses to let this topic die. It is not something that a healthy partner does. It sounds to me like he’s planning to presur you and putting you down until you do what he wants. Of course whenever understanding you to be a person all on your, not simply an adjunct to them, or part of who they are, they talk with you and respect your choices and your boundaries. It is good partners do not pressure you to conform to their personal desires. That’s incorrect. Remember, love is all about compromise, about supporting ourselves even when things are awful, about being willing to take someone else’s emotions into account when making decisions and demands.
You say you will do anything for him.
Belief that loving someone means doing anything for them would’ve been high on the list, Therefore in case I could abolish any mode of thinking.
As long as that person is all we’ll ever need, that we should give up anything for love. We have this idea that we must prove our love to others by whatever methods they choose. They won’t read your messages. Essentially, that’s a mixed signal. People who love you wouldn’t forbid you from having cross gender friendships. You should take this seriously. He is doing the exact opposite of his words. Besides, after that, READS YOUR TEXT MESSAGES, nearly any time he tells you that he knows you’d never cheat. They should not send mixed signals. Known they will trust you to set boundaries with friends on the basis of your comfort level. Pay attention to his actions more than his words. We train ourselves to ignore it.
Sometimes we get so good at ignoring it that we find ourselves in a position where someone hurts us.
In my experience, that said, this means that plenty of us grow up suppressing that voice in our heads, the one I referred to earlier, that tells us when something is wrong.
Everyone is confused as to why we didn’t see the signs. We smile, shrug our shoulders, say that it’s not that big of a deal, we could’ve it worse. That we shouldn’t jeopardize our status of girl with boyfriend. That voice still tries to get to us, to should bend over backwards to make a guy happy at the expense of our own wellbeing.