For those who like to wear their attitude on their sleeve, with that said, this e boutiqueoffers cheeky tees, bombers, patches, and accessoriesfeaturing the work of founder and artistIlse Valfré. Tag a dare devil? So here’s a question. Who am I planning to tag in a picture like that? He’d text me and say something along the lines of Why the fuck did you tag me in that picture you tool?
My friend Sam? If I tagged my friend Sam in that photo you know what he’d do? I realize that these girls get paid and the more likes and activity they get on a picture probably affects the percentage of money they make. I’m sure it’s all metric based and that’s fine but tag a dare devil? Then, they’re discussing why people lie, and why the act is necessary to keep things on an even keel. That quote really resonates with me when I’m about to lie to someone, By the way I know that I shouldn’t live my life as pointed out by a Martin Scorsese movie. In noted PGP contributor John Hickey’s favorite movie The Departed, Leonardo Dicaprio is having coffee with his therapist. I lie almost any single day of my life. I lie to friends, family members, colleagues, and girls who I’m having or actively doing best in order to have sex with. That’s right! I’m no longer under the spell of Girl Scout cookies.
No longer will I feel some feeling of obligation to stop at their table and peruse their inventory.
They simply aren’t that good, and I’d rather spend my money on drinks that I won’t remember buying.
From now on I’ll be buying my cookies in moderation from the grocery store. No longer will I deal with a mother and father giving me dirty looks as I fork over a crisp twenty for a bunch of Thin Mints and Toffee tastics. However. Abigail Ratchford is a fantastic follow on Instagram. Just absolutely stacked. What’s with the caption? Basically the content of the photo? What does Like a rolling stone bomb emoji even mean in this context, Abi? That said, this one is just as bad. Temperature hovered around 73 degrees but felt like 80 on this early August morning and the leaves were just beginning to turn shades of orange, light red, and dark yellow. Autumn in Terrace Park, Ohio was Ray’s favorite time of year, and he knew that he only had a few more weeks of really great golf left before the foliage should be replaced with depressingly bare trees.
All quiet on the western front, he muttered to noone as he pulled his 2017 Cadillac CT6 into a parking space near the club house.
So does Perrier.
They’ve got a better product. In that way, Perrier is much like Coca Cola is not it? You can try to challenge a brand like Perrier but you’re never really planning to win. There is a lot more info about it on this site. It’s as Coca Cola doesn’t need to advertise. Pepsi is always outmarketing Coca Cola but do you know why Pepsi does that? When every guy is walking into bars wearing a choker this spring you can look back at this column as the jumping off point. Normally, thank me later. Chokers are for everyone, not simply the slutty girl with daddy problems.
We’ve got guys walking down runways for Louis V, Gucci, and Canalli wearing diamond encrusted chokers looking like they just left a damn SM convention. Please do not let societal pressures hold you down. I lie to get free food at work. I lie to spare people’s feelings. So in case one of my friends started telling girls that I was dead so he could get laid I’d be all for it. I mean is lying about an imaginary friend dying really so bad in the grand scheme of things? Oftentimes I’d probably even make him a laminated obituary for him to carry around. I lie to have sex. Is that last one really so bad? Everyone’s lying a little when they’re at the bar aren’t they?
Perrier is French and was invented in the late 1800′ It comes from a spring in the South of France and has higher carbonation levels than all of its competitors. Simply put, it’s the gold standard of seltzer water. So this picture type is a daily occurrence for me on Instagram. My Instagram feed is pretty much all tits and ass right now. On p of this, for the most part, it’s all Instagram models who sell FitTea and teeth whiteners. Acquaintances, and girls who I sort of know and look for to have sex with. Her body is insane, and it’s depressing to say but I know I’ll never see someone personally who is that hot. I’m sure you heard about this. Look at that girl. On p of that, perrier and, to a lesser extent, Pellegrino, are the dark blue chips of this strange little subset of bottled waters.
While I admire the La Croixs and the Ice Mountains of the world for making an attempt to squeeze their way into the finer things club, Actually I know they’ll eventually go the way of Surge and Crystal Pepsi. Seek for a ‘Coca Cola’ classic as long as no one drinks pop anymore for fear of diabetes or cavities. Who the fuck drinks iced tea, you could order an iced tea. Doesn’t it sound familiar? Imagine for a moment that you’re at lunch on an unseasonably warm Wednesday in February. Now look, a beer this early in the week simply is not appropriate, plus you’ve got to be back at work in a couple of minutes. Geriatrics, that’s who. He said his usual hello’s and good seeing you’s to the grounds and maintenance crew who had just started their work day and made his way into the locker room to get changed.
For the majority of his life, Jackson had coasted on relativelyrelatively good looks, connections from his successful parents, and a personal mantra that was either genius or horribly moronic -It always works out.
I liked this girls Bumble pictures a lot so I decided to throw caution to the wind, that I decided it must be a perfect idea to begin drinking coffee at 30 on a work night was not the greatest decision I’ve ever made.
Good Will Hunting reference flew right over her naive, 20yearold head faster than you or I could say YAS QUEEN, Actually I made a joke about meeting up with her to eat a bunch of caramels since it’s just as arbitrary as meeting someone for coffee.
We had both swiped right on Bumble late Sunday, and since Cool Ranch is only 20 years old and had just recently gotten her fake ID taken from a bar in the loop, Know what, I had no choice but to meet her for coffee.
Also in the choker necklace, so that’s evidenced not only by my desire to wear t shirts tucked into my jeans.
Fashion, like anything else in this world, is cyclical. While I’ve never been one to stray what’s considered conventional style, I will say that in the past year or so I’ve gotten out of my comfort zone a bit. I’m not planning to deny that I started it either, I’m not saying I started the trend of males wearing chokers. Just, please don’t do it.
One of my favorites is looking at pictures of people on Facebook who never wear dress clothes and think they look super fly at some wedding they went to.
I love when I see people wearing ties incorrectly.
Just showing up to formal events wearing a tie and intending to the middle school winter ball. Leave that tie knot for retired middle linebackers. Keep reading. One look at the tie that doesn’t go past their belly button and it’s instant laughter for me. Even worse than that is the guy who doesn’t own a sports jacket. Like a tie with smiley faces all over it or rubber duckies are a HUGE light red flag, I must also mention that novelty ties. Never, under any circumstances go with a quadruple Windsor knot like Merrill Hodge on Sportscenter. My friend knew it. Although, the witching hour was upon us. You can find a lot more info about it here. It was time for me to retire to the bathroom for a pee and a quick check to find out if my hair looked alright, after polishing off my third agunitas of the evening.
Tequila girls at the table down the way most certainly knew it.
As I left the bathroom to return to my barstool I noticed something was amiss.
I knew it. My friend was already at the table chatting, and as I approached I caught the tail end of his little spiel to this table. Besides, we’re just out here celebrating his memory only one way we knew how. Night marks the five year anniversary of our best friends death. A well-known fact that is. I didn’t miss a beat. I’d be lying to you at this point in this column if I ld you that a slight grin ran away from my face as I went to put my arm around his shoulder. I think he said without really even thinking about it. He certainly didn’t consult with me before he threw this insane lie out there.
These cameras were about the size of an iPhone 4, you usually had to have a memory stick which cost an extra hundred bucks or so, and if you were a guy this was only one real way to prove that you were at Stubby’s party last Saturday.
Navigating the social cues at a house party are difficult after college ends.
There’s a bunch of cheap vodka, dark red solo cups, and maybe a bag of rtilla chips if you’re really lucky. That 23 year old who is throwing a party in her first real apartment will have an almost identical party to a 21 year old living in a dilapidated college house with five other people. My dad used to buy Girl Scout cookies by the boatload being that, and I quote, how can you say no to three Girl Scouts who live a block away from your house? For example, those tables that get set up in front of supermarkets clean the fuck up.
I was there.
I get it.
Guess what? At 25, I get exhausted just thinking about getting dressed to go to a party. I’ve never exactly enjoyed doing it, I used to be good at mingling. For example, I could walk into a party and talk a stranger’s ear off about absolutely nothing without getting bored being that I had a youthful exuberance about me, when I was 19 or 20 years old. Mingling and making small talk requires high energy, awareness of surroundings, and a knack for picking up on lulls in conversations. For example, they make a consistent product that doesn’t break the bank and still get’s me my caffeine fix. Get off your high horse and give it a go morrow you’re perusing the coffee aisle at your supermarket.
You won’t be disappointed.
When I can get a thermos full of Folgers for next to nothing, why is it necessary for me to be buying a four dollar cup of coffee from a 35yearold barista covered in tats at the corner shop?
It’s completely asinine, and so is shitting on Folgers. Folgers remains my brand of choice as they’re established, yeah, they’re both part of giant conglomerates. I can get twice as much coffee by choosing to buy Folgers as I can buying Starbucks. Now pay attention please. Price points for a tub of Folgers versus a small twelve ounce bag of Pike Place is a joke. By the way, the conversation centered mostly around our mutual hatred of dudes who wear JUST THE VEST without jacket from a three piece suit to a bar or social gathering.
We uched on the reasons behind why The Chainsmokers are so popular at the moment, what amount tal bricks look, there’re in the city of Chicago, and whether the rise of cold brew will start to render a regular cup of blackish coffee obsolete.
I see less and less pictures of people I actually know on Instagram each day, it was never my intention for my personal feed to become what it has.
I get anxiety pulling up Instagram while I’m on line at the grocery store or at the gym for fear of people seeing it and labeling me some sort of sexual deviant. I’ve considered making a burner account which would literally just be comprised of these models but I decided a while ago that if someone were to label me a sexual deviant, it wouldn’t exactly be the end of the world. It’s a well that he had been sleeping on a mattress with a small hole in it for over a week was at the most problematic, and at the very least a minor inconvenience. He had burned his queen mattress in a fit a drunken foolery a few weeks back, and if he was being honest with himself, his back could probably not take another week of sleeping on the forty dollar beauty he had gotten from Target.
He came to on a nearly deflated air mattress inside his bedroom. It was cheaper than the alternative of preparing to a mattress depot and paying a thousand dollars for a brand new one, his back hurt and he had to wake up in the middle of the night to ‘reinflate’ the forty dollar mattress he had bought from the Target down the street. These were acts that were incredibly popular during my parent’s respective stints in college, and it’s only natural to assume that they’re favorite artists would get heavy airplay once they had kids of their own to haul backwards and forwards from school and to extracurricular activities. Whenever Sting, James Taylor, Steve Winwood, and Earth, Wind, and Fire, I grew up on a steady diet of Fleetwood Mac. So first concert I ever attended was one put on by James Taylor in East Lansing, Michigan, and looking back on it now I have a slight suspicion that my parents I could be wrong, To be honest I was only twelve at the time. I knew what songs kids my age would vaguely recognize and I should play them at pregames to the delight of all.
I finally came around to my parents excellent taste in music during high school when I discovered boxes and boxes full of Greatest Hits CD’s from the early and mid90s. Everything you can think of was in those boxes, and I fancied myself little bit of water in that little ‘greentinted’ bottle just screams I’m getting fucked up on backhanded compliments and offensive jokes tonight.
Those people are always boring and they’ll definitely ask you questions like How’s your commute in the morning?
Which high school did you go to in Michigan? For example, you’ve got to carefully observe before making any sort of move, always being on the lookout for someone who looks like they ton/i> of people from your area, I know i>. Avoid anyone you hear talking about their college major. I’m sure you heard about this. Of all, you can’t just walk up to any Dick, Jane, or Nancy at a party and start asking them about their life. Usually, remember to stay away anyone wearing something tacky. It is in my experience, you look for to look for the people standing in the kitchen as opposed to the asshats sitting in the living room playing Cards Against Humanity or Apples To Apples. People who have to resort to gimmicky card games are, by definition, awful human beings.
Corny, boring, and void of substance.
Am I Know what, I just To be honest I really don’ I can’t imagine having a girlfriend at this point much less having a human child to care for. I’m assuming I drive a Subaru in this scenario as my wife forced me to get it, further dragging the point out that she’s the breadwinner and I’m just a stayathome dad.
I don’t know.
While hanging out solely with the people who you showed up with is frowned upon, need to just walk around aimlessly By the way I have to be in a certain mood for small talk with a stranger. It’s not only assumed that everyone will engage in small talk, it’s expected, when you agree to attend a house party at my age. Whether they enjoy what they do, these conversations are almost always about what the other person does for a living, and what their fucking dogs name is.
While telling them to leave the party and go do something more interesting, s banal, it’s tedious, and underneath that earnest look on the person’s face who is talking to you, look, there’s another person screaming inside of them. Standing in a corner with the guys you came with makes you look anti social and that’s not what you need. Jackson Pochinski wasn’t feeling hungover at the moment, mostly there’re so Actually a big thing I’ve noticed is a shift away from full suits. Apparently beltless is a look that people are doing now. Let me tell you something. As Cool Ranch ok the last few peanuts from the bowl and set it back down gently in the center, I swigged the last of my coffee and asked a tally ‘nonthreatening’ question. Every handful that I took. Actually the tables had more than likely been bought in bulk from an estate sale, they had a liquor license, and most importantly, coffee shop we were sitting in had definitely been a dive bar at some point in the last half century. Cool Ranch and I had made quick work of the assorted nuts at our table. Then the choices for coffee are nearly infinite and one can get overwhelmed searching for the perfect blend. Like the Breakfast Blend or Starbuck’s infamous Pike Place, others prefer a lighter roast. On p of that, the world of coffee is vast and confusing. Doing best in order to navigate your way through a thick forest with only a small hatchet to clear your path. You should take this seriously. Fair trade, nonGMO, arabica, robusta, Brazilian, Colombian, etcetera and so on. Fact, ain’t a whole lot to get excited about, the arguments for and against the house party abound.
Strangers make out with noone really knows what they’re doing personally or professionally.
You’ve spent thirty dollars on Girl Scout cookies and you haven’t even entered the grocery store yet, before you know it.
That’s a bar tab for Saturday night that you just blew as you couldn’t I’d say if you really think about it for a second. Whenever switching to Folgers my be impossible, she claimed that as she’s been drinking those brands since she started coffee.
I’m willing to bet that a number of the people who turn their nose up at Folgers wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, So in case I did a blind taste test of Folgers French Roast and a French Roast from a massive shop like Starbucks.
The other night I was talking with a friend about our goto coffee brands, and she adamantly defended Starbucks must have flavor, not taste like a cup full of hot chalk. Now please pay attention. I’d like to say here, now, that she’s full of shit, while I respectfully disagreed with her opinion in the moment as long as I was doing best in order to have sex with her. That is interesting right? My God.
Enjoy!
It sounds like I’m complaining but I’m really not.
I’m grateful for these Instagram models and the softcore porn that they post day in and day out for me to devour while I’m taking a shit or slacking off at work. That said, this bra is two sizes planning to something that stupid? Did you hear about something like that before? Why not only post the picture with a blank caption instead of adding some arbitrary phrase underneath a photo of your bare ass like do you guys like food? Besides, the captions on these photos make absolutely no sense. Consequently, all I’m asking is that they put a little more thought into this shit.
They Therefore if you have the means now, as are dress boots like the Chelsea. Fact, look, there’re Instagram accounts dedicated to this atrocity of a shoe. Certainly, loafers like the penny and tassle never go out of style either.a perfect pair of dress shoes is preparing to run you somewhere between 150300 dollars. Did you know that the square ed dress shoe is the Crocs gardening slip on of the business world.
Faux silk dress shirts and need I’d say in case you’re wearing a square e you probably still wear those shiny. One nono To be honest I had my hands down Cool Ranch’s pants. Just think for a moment. While making out like a couple of high school kids when I suggested that we move the party to my room in the basement, we were sprawled out on my chaise lounge. I let her out the front door and I returned to Nocturnal Animals. Oftentimes undeniable truth that it was getting late, she declined, on the grounds of it being making out, the hand stuff, it was all fine.
Whenever discussing the wonders of gentrification in my neighborhood while also making sure to briefly mention that morally, it’s probably not all that great, we walked back to my apartment gether in a caffeine induced state.
Acquiesced to my request after what seemed like ten minutes, cool Ranch looked surprised by the offer. There’s no forced conversation, no questions about where you eat lunch on workdays in the city, or observations about how bad the weather is supposed to be for the upcoming work week. Interesting you need someone who you can walk around the party with that ain’t a tal goober but who also didn’t show up with you. You can stand in comfortable silence, walk around and meet other people with your party friend, or simply share a laugh about some girl you both know who is a tal dragon in the sack. It’s a delicate dance we do with the Girl Scouts year in and year out, and while I commend them for their savvy business practices I am here to tell you that their reign of terror is over.
Those shitty Trefoils aren’t intending to undue the failed pickup line that left you blushing and alone at the bar. That box of Tagalongs that cost you six bucks this year is not going to take back that off color joke you made about your friends mother last night. I am telling you to go to a third party tailor, I’m not saying an ideal look for them.
Expensive, shabby, fashion forward, etcetera and so on.
Working in an office in downtown Chicago day after day gives me loads of time to people watch, especially if I’m grabbing a coffee in the lobby or having lunch at The Metropolitan Club on the 67th floor of the Willis.
That means a few things for any of you ’20 somethings’ looking to cop a new suit. Notice that I see all sorts of suits. Basically, if you follow these rules you’re more than likely looking goodor at the very least not having people look at you sideways and saying to themselves wow, that guy dresses like a fucking idiot, I’m by no means a fashion expert. I like the classic look on a certain person. Guys who do tailoring at Jos Banks will have you wearing baggy pants and a jacket that’s two sizes as they’re perennially stuck in the 90’s and that’s how they think suits must fit. Basically, a guy in his 40’s or 50’s doesn’t need to be wearing a slim fit suit.
All in all, a solid first date.
The time on my phone read 30 I had been in a coffee shop with Cool Ranch just shooting the shit for well over few minutes and a half, before I knew it.
I didn’t ask what she was majoring in or how much she was dreading midterms as I find that particular line of questioning to be unoriginal and a surefire way to signal that you’re not particularly good at talking to women. Although, I avoided any questions about what she was getting into this weekend since I didn’t need to write any checks my ass couldn’t cash. Anyways, the time on the microwave inside his rather large Terrace Park home read 15, 60 minutes and a half on this Wednesday morning before he needed to be at the country club for his 00 tee time. Ohio State Senator Raymond Pochinski finished his ‘three mile’ run in just under thirty minutes. Known it was August in southwest Ohio. Now regarding the aforementioned fact… Session in the Ohio state senate runs from January to June, and the running joke amongst Senator Pochinski’s close friends was that his job was an all expenses paid vacation courtesy of the Ohio taxpayer.
Ray’s wife should be asleep until 30 or 00 according to how much Ambien she had taken the night before, and he cursed her internally for the somewhat manic behavior that she had been exhibiting since she turned 45 six months ago.
I have 18 holes to play.
No bother, Ray thought. As of late the range had been nothing more than a fool’s errand, the driving range was on Ray’s mind as he got into the shower. Those shots were of no use to the senator on the course. His golfing companions warming up next to him would often proclaim things like That was a fucking pill. It never translated into his actual play, and for that reason Ray decided that this morning he should forego the range before his round and just see how it went. Ray could hit eleven or twelve balls in a row straight down the driving range fairway with ease. Nice form despite the fact that I’m pretty sure I really don’t care.
Small talk has never been something I was ever particularly interested in doing. Eventually, if you see them at the party again you don’t really know what to say, you form these 10 or 15 minute friendships with tal strangers over the most boring subjects in the book and later. Needless to say, the format at a house party for small talk ain’t really my thing, I actually like getting to know people. Certainly, how, you ask? Now pay attention please. Now look, the cookies are all arranged neatly in front of you, and there’s one, maybe even two disapproving adults looking you up and down as you walk up to the table. Three Girl Scouts smile earnestly at you as you try to pretend that you weren’t out at the bar four hours ago housing Miller Lites.
That you even made it to the grocery store at 30 on a Saturday is a miracle, and in the fog of your hangover you decide that you’ll stop off and at least have a look.
Yeah, you know what?
Therein lies being that you start to get inside look for Girl Scout cookies until you physically see them. It’s always around this time of year that you see everyone carrying a sleeve of their favorite strand around with them, girl Scout cookies are more overrated than cocaine. I could use some fuckin’ cookies. On p of this, your name is Sommer and you’re either as long as there’s no fucking way that girls name is Sommer Ray.
Each Instagram model has trouble with them. Anyway, that has nothing to do with that picture. He knew his dad was just finishing up his morning run and was either playing golf at the club or having another uneventful breakfast with his mother while CNN played quietly from the tv situated inside their breakfast nook.
It was after 30 in the morning as Jack rolled over to his nightstand and finished off the last of a glass of room temperature water that he must have filled up before he passed out.
It’s kind of my thing.
I appreciate what they do since I like to look at butts. I don’t have an axe to grind with Instagram models. Take a look at that picture posted above again and read the caption. It’s a well what I really So a lemonade must be tasty but that’s got a bunch of sugar in it must you get? You should take it into account. Therefore the carbonated bubbles from a Perrier or a Pellegrino fly up into your nose just as they will with a Coke and Grenadine or Mountain Dew. Lemon wedge if you’ve got it. Of course the millennial masses are seemingly conjoined at the hip to seltzer water and for good reason. Seltzer water has only just recently become a popular drink order. Carbonation makes it less boring than filling up your 32ounce Nalgene for the tenth time in one day, and the nutrition facts reading 0” across the board make it a guiltless libation. In a world where people have become obsessed with sparkling water I’m sure that the conversation ended shortly thereafter but it made me think a tiny bit about where seltzer water is headed.
That’s simply the way Surely it’s, It’s not fair and it ain’t just.
I said no, it’s not like La Croix need to do is get in and out of the shitshow that is the supermarket as quickly as possible. It’s always a table set up outside your local grocery store that drags you in. Walk around anywhere in this city and you’ll find that 1 10 out are nannies since they either Didn’t go to college or Have a communications degree that noone will pay them to use.
You can try to act offended but deep down you know it’s true.
The other 9 girls in that made up statistic I just threw at you?
They’re probably recruiters. Why would usually practice moderation when buying a box of cookies from the grocery store. You’ll take two boxes will generally be enough to satisfy your craving. Oftentimes not at the Girl Scout table.
Oh. Trefoils and Do Si Dos? Instead they went with the Besides, the rise of La Croix is admirable, and they are certainly a force to be reckoned with I begrudgingly give them respect. Nonetheless, I mean, sure, the Pamplemousse La Croix is incredibly bougie. My friend and I pretend we aren’t listening. As a result, phrases like Should I facetune this insta we just ok or leave it? Notice that I promise you that if you visited Chicago you’d find an astonishly high number of hot twenty something girls nannying to pay the bills, I’m quite sure I realize that it’s incredibly rude of me to just assume that these girls are nannies. As long as college memories tend to do that. We’re influenced heavily by the music that we listened to and were exposed to during college. Our parents generation had it a lot easier than we will on the music front. Essentially, I went to parties and listened to songs like Every Girl by Lil Wayne or No Hands by Wacka Flocka. Point still stands, I obviously never played trash like that when I was allowed to DJ a party. That’s interesting right? They listened to Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Iggy Pop, and fucking Steely Dan. Differences are night and day. Explicit music was extremely preparing to look for to be able to do that. You see, as we’ll refer to them from here on out, what you seek for in a potential party friend is someone who you can latch onto for most of your stay. Next week you’re at a party just try to find one person who is interesting enough to latch onto, I know many of us know that there are ain’t for me. For instance, I’m a latcher and I probably always Did you know that the people who are really talented at small talk go to the bar with you and lose you almost immediately as they step past the bouncer and start scanning the room for strangers to chat up.
I’ve come to a sobering realization that mingling just was not in the cards for me. The others, as long as just like Perrier. Eventually, I realize that for me to now say Folgers, a relatively cheap brand of coffee that is labeled by many as shitty would’ve been an ideal idea to take it outside and burn it with lighter fluid and some unleaded gas they had found in their garage, his now deceased mattress had been with him at Ohio State.
Actually the biggest rule for jackets is knowing your shoulder width.